Weigh to Go! The Thin Me Inside

This Ohio Valley weather is affecting me today.  Anyone else out there in the Ohio Valley?  Things are starting to bloom and I've had sinus pressure and itchy eyes all day.  I was in bed but decided to get up and take something, and I thought it would be a good time to journal.  I have the teakettle on, and everyone else is in bed and (supposedly) asleep.

Today at work one of the girls came around taking everyone's picture.  I'm not sure what it's for, something her committee is working on.  We had ample warning, so I went in in full make-up!  Most of the time I just wear mascara and powder, but today I did the works.  Didn't look too bad.  I got to preview and approve the picture, and I figured it was as good as it would get!  I really hate to see pictures of myself now.  Inside I look like I did at 18 or 21, pre-kids, you know!  It's always a shock to see how I really look!

I've been walking and trying to watch what I eat, and I have lost 6 pounds in the past 8 weeks.  That's good, but boy do I have a way (weigh!) to go! I was always so thin and petite.  I weighed 98 lbs when I got married at age 21, and even after my son was born two years later I weighed only 111.  But I led a verrrrry sedentary life, and that'll getcha!  I'm really paying for it now.  At my age and height, my weight is very unhealthy.  I'm not obese, but I need to lose 20 lbs to be where I should be!  I don't know, maybe that IS obese!  Anyway, picture day really brought it home to me again!

I've always been irritated when people you've known for years "bind" you to your past.  You know, expect certain behaviors from you because they don't realize you've changed or grown.  But today I realized that in a way we bind ourselves to our past as well.  At least as far as this person inside of me goes, I'm "bound" to the past.  I still can't believe I'm 38 instead of 18.  I can't believe I'm  ??8 lbs. instead of 98 lbs.  And though I really wouldn't want to be 18 years old again, or 98 lbs for that matter, I do want to look a LITTLE more like the picture of me inside my head.  It will take a lot of hard work and a lot of time, and I'm just beginning.  Six pounds down (and gone for good, hopefully!) and a whole bunch to go!