Why Women Are Crabby

My sister sent me this:     Why Women are Crabby (amen to all of this!)    
    
    We started to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had callouses on our backs.    
    
    Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had. 
        
    Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.    
        
    Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John.  Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.    
   
        Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.   
        
    Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more good push,"  (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the ***** (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 7-10 lb bowling ball through a keyhole.   
     
    After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, little poop machines.     
    
    Then come their teen years.  Need I say more?  
      
    When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th  birthday.   
     
    So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood.  It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or sweat like a hog in Spring and Summer, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.    
    
    Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being  able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

   So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby.  Women are the "weaker sex?"  Yeah right.  Bite me.ut soaking tocks...
 

Sunday Ramblings

I have been pretty busy this week.  Our weather has finally become cool.  I actually used my furnace early Friday morning.  (Just because I wanted the chill taken off the air before the kids got up.)  I had the air on for a while today, though.  I'd love for it to stay like this for a few weeks.  I don't mind it getting cool, but I'm not looking forward to frigid temps, bone-chilling winds and cold rain or wet snow!  Uhggg!

I did my presentation on diversity during our staff meeting on Friday, and I think I did a pretty good job, especially considering I was getting a migraine.  I've had migraines since I was six years old.  My mother didn't know what they were called; she called them "sick headaches", since that's what her mother had called them.  I remember it distinctly.  I was watching tv with the family and my head started hurting suddenly and horribly, and my vision got blurry.  I told my mother and added that I felt sick at my stomach.  She immediately put me to bed in a dark room with a cool cloth on my head, and she gave me two aspirin (this was in 1972 before Tylenol had become well-known, if it even existed then, and before it was  known that it wasn't safe to give aspirin to children).  Then I can remember having to throw up.  I didn't start feeling better until the next day.

The second one I remember having was when I was eight.  I had gone to spend the night with one of my married sisters, P.J., and I was keeping her son and his cousin busy while she cleaned house and made dinner for a dinner party she was giving.  I was playing games with the boys when I felt it coming.  This time the headache and extreme nausea came at the same time and I had little jagged lights in my periferal (sp?) vision.  I told her and she said, "Oh no, you have migraines too!"  She gave me two Tylenol and put me to bed in a dark room.  I found out later that all my sisters and my brother had migraines, but that she had very severe ones where she'd have to go to the emergency room for a codeine shot whenever she felt one coming on.

The next one I remember having was when I was 11 or 12.  This is when the vision problems became really bad.  I would have the jagged bright lights inmy periferal vision, but then I'd have blind spots.  The lower half (on a diagonal) of whatever I was looking at directly would simply not be there.  I found out this was standard in my family.  My mom and siblings almost always had these blind spots.

Then I had one at 13, another bad one at 15, and then I started having a couple a year.  The last really, really bad one with the headache, stomach pain and blindness was when I was 21, about two weeks before my wedding.  That was the worst one I have ever had.  After that I starting having four or five a year, but I rarely, if ever, have nausea, and sometimes I don't even have the headache.  I just start feeling kind of woozy and out of sorts; it seems like I'm looking through a tunnel, and then I get the bright, jagged lights and/or the blind spot.

My doctor told me that was classic migraine.  Nothing that has ever been prescribed for me has ever worked any better than OTC stuff.  Usually if I can take an Excedrin Migraine as soon as I feel it coming on I can stop it or at least keep it from becoming severe.  For a few years I rarely had any, but for the past couple years they've become more frequent.  I guess as I get older my hormones are going screwy again.  But at least I rarely have the pain and nausea now, and when I do they're no where near as severe as they used to be.  I can handle the vision problems, as long as I'm not driving and can just stop whatever I'm doing and wait it out.

I guess that's enough about migraines!   

Can you say...PRO - CRA -- STI -- NAT -- ING?

Okay, so I'm wasting time.  I have the house to myself this evening and I really should be finishing up a diversity presentation I'm doing for a meeting at work tomorrow, but instead I'm wasting time here on the computer.  I thought I'd see what Google thinks of me, so here are a few things that I am.......

Lori is --

   Genetically incapable of artifice (that's nice)

   Jailed on charges of treason against Peru (???)

   Made with rolled oats, Rice Crispy cereal, dried fruits and nuts (the nuts part is right!)

   A singer/songwriter from the Bay Area (not!)

   A photographer who bends the line between truth and illusion (But I'm "incapable of artifice" remember)

Anyway, now what?  I really don't want to do the diversity thing right now.  I just have some finishing touches to put on it.  So I'm going to play some more.  It isn't every evening I have the house to myself in the middle of the week! 

Hello!?

Is everyone having trouble with their comments alerts?  I'm not getting alerted when someone leaves a comment.  I just went the rounds and commented in my favorite journals and now I'm wondering if the authors are getting alerted when they receive comments. 

A Lesson In Retaliation

The story a couple of entries back about my niece Evonne and the spider in her soup made me remember another family tale involving her.  When she was about five years old she was being watched one day by her aunt (my sister Dennice), who took Evonne with her to the laundromat in her apartment complex.  The laundromat was next to the apartment complex's playground and was built with windows along one wall looking out onto the playground.  So while Dee did her laundry she was able to keep an eye on Evonne and a little boy about the same age while they played.

Of course she couldn't keep her eyes on them 100% of the time.  She was emptying a dryer when Evonne came running in, calling loudly, "Aunt Dee Dee! Aunt Dee Dee!  You don't 'posed to pay back evil for evil, do you?"

"Huh?" Dennice gasped.

"You don't 'posed to pay back evil for evil, do you?"

Dennice gathered her scattering wits.  "Uh, no! No, of course not!"  She became aware of several pairs of curious eyes -- what does that little kid know about paying back evil for evil?-- and said decisively, "No, we aren't supposed to pay back evil for evil.  Why?  Who's trying to do that?"

"He is!"  Evonne turned and pointed an accusing finger at the little boy, shrinking behind her.  "I hit him and then he hit me back!"

Neverending Pears!

I spent most of the afternoon peeling pears!  Lots of pears!  Lots and lots of pears!

A few weeks ago Thomas and the kids picked several bushels of pears and then Thomas with a little help from Eler Beth peeled and prepared all of them and he now has several five gallon jugs of pear must, currently making wine.  He made pear wine last year and it was delicious!  Neither of us drinks much of anything alcoholic, so we ended up only keeping about four bottles of the wine.  We gave the rest away as gifts.  And as I said it was VERY good!  We also made preserves.

Well, then a friend told Thomas that his tree was just full of pears and to come help himself, so he and the kids picked them, and now we have sliced pears ready for making preserves!  I peeled and Thomas cored and sliced.  (I really gave my $1.00 vegetable peeler a work out!  I really love that thing!)  Of course a lot of the pears have been eaten as "pears", too.  They were really good this year!  Anyway, I'm glad to have them out of the way.  Now I'll be making and canning preserves.

I spent the first part of the day sleeping.  I was up most of the night coughing and nothing would help until I took some Thera-Flu early this morning.  That always makes me sleepy, especially when I haven't slept well anyway.  So peeling pears is about all I accomplished today. 

It is finally getting cooler here.  The rain we got yesterday and today helped make it feel even cooler than it actually was.  I'm not ready for it! 

My daughter brought home five As (one A+) and a B on her report card this week!!  I'm very proud!

Well, that's all I've got tonight!  It's late and I'm tired, so more later.

And that reminds me.........

Well, Sunday I redeemed myself by making homemade vegetable soup and cornbread, and as I sat down here to decide what I was going to write, the vegetable soup reminded me of a "soup" story.  This story was written down by the family "historian/scribe", my sister Barbara, years ago, and I'm sure she did a better job than I'm going to do, but I'll give it a shot -- because it's a cute story.

I was about 10 years old, and it was a cold, snowy, blustery day.  My nieces and nephew and I had been playing outside and were very happy to come in to my Mom's nice warm kitchen, smelling deliciously of her homemade vegetable soup.  We gathered around the kitchen table, bowls of soup in front of us, my mom and four of my sisters ladling soup into their own bowls, pouring cups of coffee and talking away.

Suddenly in the middle of their conversation, my three-year-old niece, Evonne, piped up with, "Pidah in my tsoup!"  The conversation continued, so she tried again, "Pidah in my tsoup!"

"What's she saying?"

"I don't know; sounds like she's saying there's a spider in her soup!"

"Well, there is!  There is a spider in her soup!"

No one knew how the spider came to be in her soup, but the soup was disposed of, a fresh bowl was given her, and talk turned inevitably to such topics as -- places in the earth where spiders might be eaten -- times of famine in which perhaps we might be happy to have spiders to eat, etc.  My seven-year-old nephew, Bill, always a picky eater anyway, stated, "Well, I  wouldn't eat it!"

My seven-year-old niece, Sheila, (definitely her mother's daughter!), tried a compromise.  "Well, if you cut its head off...."

Bill:  "I still wouldn't eat it!"

Sheila:  "Well, if you cut its legs off...."

Bill:  "I still wouldn't eat it!"

Sheila:  "Well, if you drained all the blood out!"

Bill:  "I STILL wouldn't eat it!"

At which point Sheila's mother, my sister Dennice, offered reassuringly, "That's okay, Sheila.  Sometimes no matter how you prepare something, the men won't eat it!"

Fish sticks aren't so bad!

After everyone had eaten, Thomas said, "Good dinner, Lori!"  To which I replied, "Hah!"  He said "Don't laugh.  I'm serious."  I looked at him incredulously and said, "Well, it was quick and easy, anyway."  He said, "And it was good.  Hit the spot!"

And he was serious.  Didn't get any complaints from the kids, either.  Guess if they're hungry it really doesn't matter.....prepared with love, and all that.

But, now this is hilarious!  Sometimes I'm in the mood to do one of those "tests" to see what category I fall into.  They usually make me feel good about myself.....sort of reinforce the positive, you know.  So tonight I took this one, not realizing that it was done by BETTY CROCKER:

 Find the Food that Fits Your Distinctive Flair .  So I took the quiz, and here's what it said:  My style is --    

                    Classic Contemporary

You take the ordinary and make it extraordinary.  In fact, that is what everyone is hoping for from you.  From basic baking to spur of the moment brunches, no one cooks the classics quite like you.

ROFL!!!!!

So I'm going to accept Thomas' compliment at face value, because, - ahem, -  "No One Cooks The Classics (fish sticks) Quite Like I Do!

It's a Fish Stick Night

This should be a "grill-out" night, but it's going to be a fish stick night instead!

Today was BE-U-TEE-FULL.  Sunny all day, warm breeze, 74 degrees!  Thomas worked until 2:00.  Andrew barely stuck his nose outside all day!  (Typical teen.)  But Eler Beth and I got outside.  She went out in the ministry work with some of the sisters from the Hall, and then she went to Lily's to play most of the afternoon.  I was actually feeling some better this morning.  Still coughing, though, but my glands didn't seem as swollen.  I did some shopping, dropped off yet another bag at Goodwill and played in my back yard!

I gave each of the dogs some individual attention, which is saying a lot, considering how many dogs there are.  I cleaned food and water dishes, put fresh straw in their houses/yards, brushed all of them and played ball.  Scout is learning his commands now.  He can sit and lie down to verbal and hand signals.  I did some trimming and hung laundry out on the line to dry!  (One of my favorite things to do.)  I told the lady next door that she could have Tiny whenever she was ready for him.  I think they're getting his house ready.  He sure is a sweet puppy.  He's the one I thought we were going to lose one day, if you remember.  He has done fine since then.  They think the world of him.  Every day after everyone at our house leaves for the day he sneaks over and waits on their back porch for them to come out.  Then when they come out they pet him, then he comes back home.  So she said they just had to have him, because he picked them!  He is so sweet.

So anyway, Thomas got home, ate lunch and tinkered around with one of the lawn mowers.  Lily and her dad brought Eler Beth home, so then Thomas and Larry had to visit for awhile.  Then Thomas and Eler Beth went to check out a new fishing spot.  They should be home soon, though.  Anyway, it has been a wonderful, slow, easy, comforable day.  I sure do need more of them in my life.  But they're rare!  I'm just now getting online and checking my alerts.  I need to work on my "Book" journal tonight.  I told Andrew the computer is mine for the rest of the evening!

So instead of cooking out (as the perfect weather is calling for) I'm going to fix fish sticks!  Forgive me, please!   It's quick and easy, filling and tasty!  I'll mash some potatoes, open a can of something green and a box of mac and cheese and my kids will be happy.  There are cookies and ice cream for dessert!  I'll fix a better dinner tomorrow!  This just isn't the evening for spending a lot of time in the kitchen, ya know?  I'm going to go bring in some clothes off the line, then I'll be back later.

Early morning ramble

We are having a potluck today at work, so I got up and made my famous zucchini casserole to take.   It was requested!  It should be ready in about 10 minutes.  Smelling goooood!  Tomorrow is Lee's last day at our company.  She is going back to school to get her Master's Degree in Art History and also has a part-time job.  She tried doing all three, but the full-time job is too much.  (She doesn't know it, but we're doing a vegetarian potluck just for her because she's, um, a vegetarian!) 

Well, just thought I'd visit my journal while I had a chance.  I'm not feeling quite as bad this  morning as I did yesterday.  Still feels like I have some congestion in my chest, though.  I'm still drinking my orange juice.  I'll take my herbal tea, cough drops and ibuprofen with me and be sure to have my coffee, and I should survive the day!

See ya later.

Orange-you Glad?

From the REALAGE TIP OF THE DAY:

Three Cheers Throw back three shots of orange juice every day for maximum health benefits.

Drinking orange juice morning, noon, and night can help raise and keep antioxidant levels consistent in your bloodstream. This, in turn, may help keep you protected from free-radical damage all day. It's not just the vitamin C in the juice that's beneficial; the less-touted carotenoid cryptoxanthin in OJ has been associated with a 15 percent to 31 percent reduced lung cancer risk.

Well, I've been doing that, yesterday and today, but only because I've felt like I was coming down with something.  Sore, scratchy throat, a little achy and sneezy.  Hope the OJ can push whatever this is out of my system!

My Other Journal

I finally started getting my other journal re-done the way I want it, and today I put in the first entry.  If anyone is interested, here is the link:   Dusty Pages Book Talk.  I hope that there are readers out there who will enjoy reading this journal, as well.

What Corporate Culture Am I?

I took this quiz, Tickle: Tests, The Corporate Culture Test, and here are the results:

Lori, you'll thrive in a corporate culture that allows you to be a People-person.

You realize the importance of people getting along in the workplace. After all, an organization's identity is built on the quality and dedication of its workers. While others focus on winning personal accolades, you prefer to work hard at providing harmony and human connections. You're motivated by contributing to that social fabric. Because you tend to be in tune to the social dynamics of a company, you probably have an internal sense of where you stand and don't need constant validation from peers or superiors.

Certain types of companies are waking up to the fact that they need more people like you. But which companies are they? And how can you find a business based on a system that values your contributions and will really let you shine?

Well, that's a good question.  And one I'm asking myself more and more as the months go by.  I have not applied to any open positions within W/A (my company) yet, because I want to stay where I am right now.  Afterall our jobs don't end until April or May of next year.  (For those new to my journal, that's when my department (Document Management) is, for the most part, being contracted out to a document management company who is sending my job, and others like it, overseas.  I still, though, in general, like the company I work for.  There is a lot to say in its favor.  I've been reluctant to apply for another position, though, for three reasons:  1-- I really like what I do, and am still comfortable doing it; 2 -- I'm not going to apply to a department that I don't just have a huge desire to work for, just because my deapartment is being outsourced, and; 3 -- I'm thinking about looking for something closer to home, because of the gas prices.

I have to say the results above do seem to fit the way I am at my job.  I'd like to find another position where I am as comfortable as I am now.

Therapy

For those of us who find ourselves under more and more stress, especially at work, I offer the following 20 Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity:

1.  At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses On And Point A Hair Dryer At  Passing Cars.   See If They Slow Down.

2.  Page Yourself Over The Intercom.  Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3.  Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with That.

4.  Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5.  Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

6.  In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors."

7.  Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8.  Dont Use Any Punctuation

9.  As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10.  Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.

11.  Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12.  Sing Along At The Opera.

13.  Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme.

14.  Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.

15.  Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16.  Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Hard.

17.  When The Money Comes Out Of The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18.  When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19.  Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......

20. Send This Message To Someone To Make Them Smile...It's Called Therapy...

I don't know to whom I am to give credit for these.  I think they were in an email from one of my sisters also.

A Math Lesson

Here's a cute thing that my sister sent me in an email:

History of Math

Last week I purchased a burger for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register.

I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and
cried.  Why do I tell you this?

Please read more about the "history of teaching math":

Teaching Math In 1950

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.  His cost of production is
4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1960

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.  His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1970

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.  His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

Teaching Math In 1980

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.  His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment:  Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math In 1990

By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question:  How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees. (There are no wrong answers.)

Teaching Math In 2005

El hachero vende un camion carga por $100. La cuesta de production es.............

And we wonder why jobs requiring intelligence are being outsourced??

What I hate is when you go to the cash register with zucchini and the teenager waiting on you has to ask what it is before she can ring you up.  Once I had one ask me what I had, and it was peaches!  PEACHES!!

     My backyard is full of leaves!  The trees along the creek bank are almost bare, already!  Boy it happened fast.  I don't mind.  I'm ready for a little bit of crisp weather.  Today was gorgeous.  It's 63 degrees outside right now, but sunny.  We ran around the backyard playing with the dogs for awhile.  Another one of the pups went to its new home this past Monday -- the really, really pretty one with all the markings that I called Jolie.  The people who got her have three acres that she can run around on, and a little boy to play with.  So now we have one male and two females to find homes for.  Andrew is, as I've said, keeping the brown one.  And Eler Beth talked her Dad into letting her keep the black male, Bruin.  Who didn't see that coming!

At work we moved to the 9901 bldg. two weeks ago.  We're on the 8th floor, and the building has 11 floors (12 if you count the basement), so I can increase my stair walking now!  So far I can only get from the 1st to the 5th without having to take the elevator the rest of the way up.  Guess I'll just add a little more every day or so.  I have increased my water intake, and I can tell that it's making a difference.  I am actually eating less.  Now I just need to increase my exercise.

I've been housecleaning today, so now it's "me" time.  I'm going to re-do my other journal "Dusty Pages Book Talk".  It's about time I did.  More later.       

Wow, I'm so flattered!

I've just been comment spammed.  How nice.  I promptly blocked the name, and now I shall pass it on.  KREAMEDKORN

I just received five alerts from other j-landers who've been comment spammed, and I will pass along those names to block as well:  blaze1wyteowl; txrebalgirl26; katric15.

The other two were the one I got and another one for the first one listed above. 

 

Beautiful Day To Welcome October

October 1.  Wow, this year has certainly gone by fast.  It is another beautiful day out there.  It's only in the sixties right now, I think.  The sun is shining and it just really smells like Fall.  I love days like this.

I'm still trying to do the tasks that I had assigned myself to do this weekend.  I'm still wading through "stuff" to get rid of.  I've bagged up another bag of clothes for Goodwill.  I have Andrew detailing the inside of my car.  He owes me some money, so I said if he did a good enough job I'd credit it to his account!  Ha!  I have some special chores for Eler Beth to do today, too, but she's been in such a bad mood this morning, that I'm waiting for Thomas to get home to tell her to do them.  I don't feel like arguing with her, so I'm taking the easy way out and waiting for Dad to get home.  Cowardly of me, I know.  I just don't have time to fool with it.  She's 9-1/2, but I think her hormones are going wild all ready.  She's not a big girl, she's actually average height for her age, but she is all muscle and she is "built", if you know what I mean.  She has curves all ready!!  Two of my nieces who were built like that at that age went through puberty early, and it would definitely explain the mood swings she's been having.  She's still my sweetheart, though.  (Just my sweetheart in a bad mood!)

She found a Rose of Sharon growing beside our house today that we didn't plant.  I swear I have no idea why I hadn't noticed it!  When she came in to tell me what it was, I figured it was just a weed that's leaves resembled a Rose of Sharon, but, by-dogies (as my Mom would say), it is a Rose of Sharon, and it even has a bloom on it.  She's good about noticing things like that.

Well, I'd better get back to work.  Break time's over for now.