I Got the Blues

I'm back at work today, and I am very, uncharacteristically depressed.

I don't get sad or depressed very often, at least not from situations.  And I can usually work through it when I do and bounce right back.  I have chemical depression for which I take medication.  But I guess maybe this job situation is finally getting to me.  When I consciously think about it I don't feel depressed.  But I guess subconsciously it's affecting me more than I like to admit (because I'm a bit of a perfectionist and I don't like control of my life to be taken from me by this company!).

Of course, it's kind of a rainy, dreary day; it's a Monday; I still feel tired and drained -- any of those reasons could make me feel bad.  But I know it's the job.  I just want it to end.  When I got back today I had an email letting all of us know that we'll know 60 days in advance of our final date here.  Well, I think the transition is supposed to be complete on June 30, the latest we could get the word is May 1, right?

"I am staying for the severence."  I've had to repeat that mantra to myself a lot lately, because it is so tempting to just go ahead and find another job.  But I want to be able to take a couple weeks off with my kids this summer, and the only way I can afford to do that is by sticking it out and getting my severence.  So I know I'm doing the right thing for me by staying.  But oh do I want June 30 to get here!

At least the workload is under control again, and they aren't asking for a lot of overtime.  I still love what I do and the people I work with.  But I am definitely depressed today.  I think if someone said just the right thing to me at the wrong time I would burst into tears.  That would probably scare the bejeebers out of the people I work with.  Miss Sunshine having a meltdown?  No way!

Oh well, enough.  I thought it might help to write it down and share.  Thanks for listening.  I'll get back to my work, now.  Hopefully I'll be a little more cheerful by the time I get home.