"There Is A Harmony In Autumn, And A Lustre In The Sky..."

It is another gorgeous Fall day with lots of sunshine and a nice breeze, although a bit cooler than yesterday. 

I am probably not going to be posting as often as I have (and sometimes I don't post all that often anyway).  I realized recently that the amount of time I could spend reading and commenting in journals can get excessive if I let it.  At least for the next few months I plan to read only for a set amount of time on certain days of the week (we'll see how that goes!), and I won't be commenting as often.  So please don't think it strange if I suddenly don't comment in your journal as I have in the past.  There are no journals that I am currently reading that I don't want to read -- I've become so familiar with everyone that I'd feel strange not keeping up with everyone's world.  So I'll drop in to say hi only occasionally although I'm probably reading you at least once a week. 

But family obligations are not only a priority, they seem to be necessary to my own happiness right now.  I have mentioned before that I suffer from anxiety and depression and have for years.  I have also for years been able to control them with medication and with lifestyle adjustments when needed; it is time for another lifestyle adjustment right now, I'm afraid.  I don't know if it's my age (getting older, you know, brings hormonal turmoil), or if it's a change in my chemical imbalance that has nothing to do with aging, but I have been battling a few more incidents of depression than normal lately -- the time of year perhaps?

I do not want to adjust medication, so I have, after reflection, analysis, and prayer (not necessarily in that order), found that right now it is by cocooning myself in planning and executing my daughter's lessons, along with little special outings with her, and in devoting more time to my home that I am finding the rejuvenating influences I need to cope from day to day.

It's strange, isn't it, that one can be so happy within oneself and in the company of one's family, and still have to battle depression.  I simply adore my husband and children.  There is nothing I would not do for them.  (Thomas brought me to tears yesterday because there was a figurine on Ebay that I've wanted for years and that is rare, but I would never have thought of indulging in buying for myself because I knew the price would go up.  Well, a little bird named Eler Beth told her Daddy about it, and he insisted that I try to win it.  I wouldn't hear of it because I knew it would go $200.00 or more.  MAYBE  if I were working and bringing in a paycheck, but I would never ask Thomas to buy it for me, and I told him so.  He sat back and clasped his hands behind his head and said, "Well, get it for me.  I've always wanted me one of those."  Well, I didn't get it, but just knowing that he wanted it for me made my heart fairly burst.)  Anyway....

I do not feel the journal reading that I do is a chore.  It is an indulgence that I will allow myself because I do deserve an indulgence once in a while.  But I can't do it as much as I have and still do the other things that I need to do to make myself feel good every day.  It's wierd, I know, but right now I just want to clean and cook and paint walls and re-decorate and things like that.  Those things should be chores, shouldn't they?

I also want to spend more time writing in my two other journals which usually get pushed to the side in favor of writing here or reading other journals.  I want my books catalogued for my own pleasure and I want to finish the book I'm writing.  Getting up at 5 in the a.m. and writing for an hour or so before the kids get up has been working, but I want more!

I will post an entry here when I feel like it but not to just keep this journal updated, and I will drop by everyone's journal at least once a week and say hi.  So I just didn't want anyone worrying or wondering where I was.

I hope everyone is having as beautiful a day as I am, and I hope everyone has a splendid week ahead!

 The day becomes more solemn and serene
    When noon is past; there is a harmony
    In autumn, and a lustre in its sky,
Which through the summer is not heard or seen,
As if it could not be, as ifit had not been!
        Thus let thy power, which like the truth
        Of nature on my passive youth
Descended, to my onward life supply
        Its calm, to one who worships thee,
        And every form containing thee,
        Whom, SPIRIT fair, thy spells did bind
To fear himself, and love all human kind.

-Percy Bysshe Shelley,
Hymn to Intellectual Beauty, 1817

Tags: Percy Bysshe Shelley, Hymn to Intellectual Beauty