An Extra Daughter

Eler Beth has a friend spending the night with us.  I just took them out to McDonald's for a late-night snack and chocolate shakes.  This particular friend of hers spends about three nights a week with us, sometimes three in a row.  Even on school nights.  I'm not sure if that should make me feel good to know that her mother trusts me enough to have her daughter down here so much and to get her up in time to run her home (a few houses down the street only) in the mornings to get ready for school, or if I should be worried about the child's home life.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

She and Eler Beth have been friends for several years now.  The little girl's parents are divorced, and her mother works full-time as a nurse.  She has a brother who is around 14.  Her mother has a new boyfriend, and usually whenever that happens we find "B" down at our house more often.  She's a good kid, and she and Eler Beth get along very well, so I don't mind.  A few nights ago she asked if she could spend the night because her mother was going with the new boyfriend to meet some of his family and B didn't want to go with her.  She had the choice to spend the night with her aunt and cousin (who live right across our street from her) or to spend the night with us, and she said she'd rather spend the night here. 

One week when she'd spent the night on a Sunday, then again on a Monday, Eler Beth asked if she could spend the night again on Tuesday.  I said, "Well, her mother may want her to come home one night, you know."  And B said, "Well, she usually doesn't care what I do."  The sad thing is that I know this woman really does love her kids, and she provides very well for them, working extra shifts whenever she can.  She always calls my house in the evening if she comes home and B isn't there, or she'll call when it's starting to get dark to have me send B home.  She isn't neglectful in those senses.  A lot of times even when her mother is home in the evening she'll eat dinner with her family and then come down to our house and end up staying all night.

She is pretty much part of the family now, and whenever we take her with us places we just tell people she's our "other" daugher.  She's a year older than Eler Beth, and I think she's having some trouble with middle school this year.  She's a good girl, and I hope she stays that way.  I am so glad that Thomas has made it possible for me to be home with our kids; I cannot express my appreciation to him enough when it comes to that.

On the same topic, sort of, my husband's nephew's wife recently told me she wanted to talk to me about home schooling some time when I have the time.  They want to start home schooling their 13 year old daughter beginning next year.  She is having some problems acclimating to middle school too.  She's a very pretty girl, and is beginning to look quite womanly, but socially she is still very immature.  She still likes to do little girl things, and there is tremendous pressure nowadays in middle school on young girls (and boys too) to hurry up and grow up.  She likes American Girl, and last year they got her one of the American Girl dolls that she’d been wanting for quite a while.  Her father was a little reluctant to get it for her, because he thought she was getting too old to like dolls.  His wife told me this and then said, “He’s just a man; he doesn’t understand what it’s like to be a young girl in that ‘in-between’ stage.” 

I think we should encourage our girls to stay young girls as long as they are comfortable being “little” girls.  It makes me sad to see so many of the girls even Eler Beth’s age and a little younger trying to act so sophisticated and worldly.  I can remember being at that stage and struggling between still wanting to play like a kid and wanting to be a grown up.  I’m glad to say that Eler Beth doesn’t seem to have a problem combining the two. 

Tags: growing up too fast