Dealing With Death

I believe I've mentioned in here before that when I attend funerals now I have a really hard time, and I start crying almost immediately and find it hard to stop.  I've been that way since my Dad's death four years ago.  I've also mentioned that Eler Beth has had a very hard time dealing with her grief, but that she's gotten much better during the past six months.   Her panic attacks have subsided, and she is able to talk about my father now.  However, she still cannot stand to see any signs of grief in me.

When we attended a friend's memorial service a couple months ago, she was watching me very closely, and I had to try to hide the tears.  She is very protective of her old Mom.

Well, she's having to deal with grief, again, on a somewhat smaller scale, and she is doing very well.  I'm very proud of her.  Her new cat, Jessie, died a week ago.  He had seemed to have moved in very well, and when he went outside he stayed in the yard.  He was making up to Freedom, and although Freedom still just basically ignored him, she didn't hiss at him or chase him away.  He went outside one afternoon and never came back.  We searched, called, checked with neighbors, everything.  He had on his collar and tag, and I was hoping that maybe, not being neutered yet, he'd just started his wandering early and would return.

But last Saturday, while Thomas, Eler Beth and I were gone, Andrew got a call from a neighbor that he'd found him.  He was at the back of their yard, and had been dead for a while.  There wasn't a mark on him, except that one of his hind legs was skinned up a bit.  I think he was either hit by a car and didn't die immediately, or a dog got him.  Anyway, it was hard to tell Eler Beth, but we finally did.  She actually cried in my arms that night, and for her to cry out her grief is actually a very good thing. 

She wants another cat, but right now Dad is saying no.  He doesn't want to go through that again.  Eler Beth has had a private AOL Journal for a while now that she only writes in intermittently, but she started a new public one after she found out about Jessie, and she talked about it in there.  I don't know if she's going to keep up with this journal, but I hope that if it helps her she will.  Here is the link, if anyone would like to visit it and leave her a comment: My Diary of Days.   I get a kick out of her 10 year-old spelling.  She and Andrew take after Thomas when it comes to spelling, unfortunately; he still tends to spell phonetically.  The proofreader in me is appalled, but the mother in me thinks it's adorable!  I think she's only made two entries so far, but she told me this morning she'd be making another one today.  I hope she does start writing in it regularly.

We got a few pictures of Jess, but I haven't developed them yet.  However, we had a few taken with my cell phone, and I thought I'd share this one, taken one day when Eler Beth was home sick.