Old Lady Helms

I'm slowly trying to get back to the regular routine this morning, but it isn't easy.

We haven't had any real rain here in a couple of weeks now, and my poor flowers and plants are showing it.  I haven't been good about watering them every day like I should.  My neighbor across the street, Sharon, the older retired lady, gets out and waters hers just about every morning.  And I have to confess something bad here -- sometimes I don't water my flowers early in the day because I'm trying to avoid her.  Isn't that terrible?

She's a sweet lady, and I've written about her before.  We have helped her out with things at her house, plumbing emergencies and such, picking up her medicine or groceries for her, things like that.  And I enjoy our conversations sometimes, standing by the curb getting our mail,  calling to one another across the street, or sitting in one yard or the other, while Eler Beth rides her bike with her friends.  Eler Beth even makes a point to stop by and visit with her when she's out in her yard, or if she hasn't felt well Eler Beth will be the first to notice that she hasn't been seen outside for a few days, and we'll check on her.

But, lord, the woman can talk!  One day last week, at 6 a.m. I was watering in my front yard, and she came over and stood talking for over an hour.  Thomas says I'm just too nice and I need to break in and tell her I have to be getting back to my work, but I know the lady is lonely, and I just don't have the heart to do that.

This morning, since it's a bit overcast and I'm letting Eler Beth sleep in I went out around 8:30 to water everything.  I had on my Ipod and was happily singing along to The Beatles (not loudly, though) when all of a sudden I realized Sharon was practically at my elbow.  She doesn't hear well, and I think she'd been talking to me all the way up my drive because she was in the middle of a sentence when I realized she was there.  I think she was oblivious to the ear buds and the cord attached to the device at my waist the whole time we were talking.

Ranulf had been "helping" me water.  He's a big help that way.  He runs in and out of the shower, chases the spray, battles with the hose, runs up a tree and then jumps down onto the water spray from above -- taking it by surprise, don't you know.  She'd been watching him, so we had to discuss his play for a while.  She only stood talking about 15 minutes or so this time.  She must not be feeling well.  I guess Eler Beth and I will drop over later this afternoon to visit for a few minutes so I can see if she's doing okay.  She's been having trouble with her blood sugar lately.

So although I am conscious of feeling a bit irked when she came over and interrupted my down-time, I know realistically that I'm not really such a curmudgeon that I can't begrudge a few minutes to a neighbor.

I believe there are two very key elements to being a happy person and having a happy family that are often not regarded as such, and they are: 1) being self-aware as regards your own tendencies and needs, and 2) knowing your spouse's/partner's/children's tendencies and needs.  Well I know very well that I have hermit tendencies, and I sometimes have to MAKE myself get out socially.  Thomas knows this too, but he also knows that I actually do NEED alone time in order for my brain to "process" things correctly, and he sees that I get it when it's needed.  Andrew is very much like me in that way, although at his age right now those tendencies take a backseat to the need to be out and about with his friends.  Eler Beth is more like Thomas in that she needs to be "doing" all the time, and likes to entertain and be entertained.  I'm very happy and comfortable in my own brain and would live there most of the time if I were allowed to, which wouldn't be a good thing.

I know (or believe I know) some of what makes me tick in this area:  I was very, very painfully bashful as a young child;  I can remember being surprised when someone outside my family gave me a compliment, because I just didn't see myself as anything special at all;  Large families are good for a lot of things, but not for satisfying the need for some alone-time -- having the house to oneself for a day was pure heaven! --; I still express surprise when I meet someone new and they seem to actually want to spend time with me (and Thomas still asks "Why does that surprise you so much?"  And I really don't know.);  I have hosted social events and know how to lead in a social setting, but I still get all tied up in knots thinking about having to engage in small-talk with a stranger or acquaintance; I've given speeches and directed business meetings and been told afterward that I have a nice, conversational way about me, but the whole time I was sweating and feeling panicky on the inside;  as a Senior in high school I argued for a certain topic being written about in the newspaper of which I was the editor, and was wholly surprised when the newspaper advisor told me that I'd been responsible for changing the principal's mind about it because of my "cool, calculated, and well-reasoned argument" (all I could remember was being very nervous and making a very conscious effort at speaking carefully and clearly to him).

I've felt like I am outside myself watching on as a third party when I'm in certain situations.  I watch myself and censor myself or push myself along, and then if the reaction is good I look at myself with surprise and wonder!  Some people grew up with adults and others around them telling them they weren't worthy or good enough, and I didn't really have that experience.  Yet I grew up being surprised if someone told me I was good enough.  Psychology is a crazy thing, isn't it?  How can one ever really know what makes one tick?  We guess, and we find some clues in our past, and still there are unexplained feelings, reactions, and tendencies.  My mother says I was very sensitive as a child, that I got my feelings hurt easily, and that I was very perceptive about other people.  So maybe there were some sensitive issues that I don't even remember that had some effect on me and how I saw myself?  Perhaps heredity plays a big role?  I've heard both my parents say things that leads me to believe that each of them was a bit like me in this regard.

Oh well.  I have no idea where all of this came from.  I started out just meaning to write aboutwatering my flowers!   I do plan on fighting my anchoritic tendencies except when it's the proper time to indulge them.  I don't think Thomas or the kids will let me completely turn into an "Old Lady Helms".  This has been a strange, rambling entry, but I thank you for coming along.