I'm getting ready to go to bed, but I was lying here with my day replaying in my head and decided I needed to get some things down here.
As I mentioned before, I spent some time helping Eler Beth go through some things from her room and closet, sorting and culling. First of all I want to paint a picture of my complex little lady. At one point I looked up from what I was doing and burst out laughing. There stood Eler Beth, in purple shirt and white shorts, with her hair pulled back in a pony tail, wearing a "dress up" jeweled tiara on her head, fastening a big, black tackle "belt" around her waist (for use when fishing, you know). She wouldn't let me run to get the camera!!
"Are you keeping that tiara?" I asked.
"Of course!" She answered. "You know, Mom, just because I'm older doesn't mean I don't want to keep things like this. Maybe I'll host a tea party for some of the little girls I know, and they can dress up. Or maybe someday when I babysit I'll have this for the little girl to play with."
Makes sense to me.
That was her same argument for keeping all the coloring books and little-kid story books. Someday when she babysits, they'll come in handy. She's got me there.
We need a bigger house, or at least she needs a bigger room! How in the world are we going to reconcile all her little girl things with a fox-themed room? Oh well. We'll do it somehow. The real problem is where will we put everything she's determined to keep?
And that's what I really wanted to write about. A couple months ago I mentioned the topic of childhood hoarding. Well, I have her permission to write about this, but I'll try to be brief about it and not go into too much detail. My readers probably know that I have OCD and anxiety attacks, and you probably know that Eler Beth has had problems with dealing with grief and she has anxiety attacks. Well, she has exhibited some OCD signs most of her life, but they have always been manageable.
Well, back in June she had a little meltdown. We don't know what brought it on, but we had taken a little weekend mini-vacation, and when time came for us to leave our hotel, she didn't want to leave and she didn't want to leave anything behind because she was afraid she'd forget what everything looked like, and she got panicky just thinking about how she'd feel. It was much more involved than that, but that's the best I can do explaining it right now. She didn't want to leave ANYTHING behind, including anything that had been thrown away.
When we got home it got worse, and just let me tell you that there are ALL KINDS of hoarding problems, not just keeping "things". For example, at first she had to keep something from each meal. Then it was a piece of each thing on her plate. Then it was a piece of each BITE she took. She couldn't concentrate on anything. While telling me that she'd be all right and that she'd make herself stop (she didn't want to go to the doctor) her eyes were focusing on a piece of lint on my shirt, and she was picking it off and putting it "away" in a zipper compartment of her purse. And she finally admitted to me that a lot of what she was going through had been going on for months, but she'd been able to control it to a certain extent and hide it from me.
Her doctor, when I called her, got involved immediately and sent her to someone who could help. She is on medication now, and her OCD is much better, and her hoarding is MUCH, MUCH better. She had a few sessions with a therapist, and now that has ended because she doesn't need that anymore. For about a week we didn't have our laughing, happy girl here; we had a miserable, panic-stricken young lady who was terrified because she couldn't control her impulses. But within 10 days she was back, and now we have an occasional bad day, but for the most part the OCD is manageable and she is coping with the "hoarding" tendencies.
Re-doing her room is her idea. And in order to do that she has to get rid of some things. That has always been a bit of a problem, and one I can really relate to, but in the past it wasn't a traumatic event. Now it is. So we've been taking it slowly, and I've been trying to be especially considerate of her feelings about certain belongings. We're making compromises, both of us. The "treasures" in her "treasure drawer" are being moved out and into a pretty, decorative hatbox. Old school papers are being culled for only the best ones and they'll go in a pretty scrapbook. And so on.
Yes, I've had some uptight days and nights around here, but I just wasn't ready to write about it. But we do talk about it. Eler Beth is very open about it and will talk about it to anyone who seems interested. She noticed some repetitive actions in one of her cousins and told that cousin's parents that they needed to check it out because she thought her cousin might have OCD and need some help. I've never been secretive about taking medication for anxiety and I've talked about my OCD, so it isn't taboo to her, and I'm glad about that.
Well, that's all I'm going to say about this. I really do NEED TO GET TO BED!!! Now I think I can.
On a lighter note, here are 10 more of my iPod tunes:
1) Suddenly I See -- K. T. Tunstall (contemporary)
2) Kathy's Song -- Simon and Garfunkel
3) Superman (It's Not Easy) -- Five For Fighting (contemporary)
4) The Scientist -- Coldplay (contemporary)
5) Ticket to Ride -- The Beatles
6) Take A Chance On Me -- ABBA
7) All I Have To Do Is Dream -- The Everly Brothers
8) Can't Buy Me Love -- The Beatles
9) Don't Dream It's Over -- Crowded House (80s -- I think!)
10) Life in a Northern Town -- Dream Academy (also 80s)
24 comments:
woohoo - ABBA! Did you go see Mamma Mia? ::giggle::
I take meds for my anxiety, too. Last week, the doctor suggested I halve my meds. what the....um, no. I'm good, thanks. LOL I love my meds...
~Amy
I applaud you and Eler Beth for your direct discussion on the subject of OCD, hoarding and anxiety. It makes a person feel stronger to get it out in the open, but only when they are ready to do so. I know how it feels to have to part with things.......I am going through that myself this year. But, I have socks from the 8th grade and I "ain't to baby anymore!" So the flood at our house helped me go through my clothes. Now I can see what things are important to me and which are just not that important anymore. HIGH FIVES!!!! Anne
Make sure you give your girl a hug and let her know how much we appreciate her letting you share this with us. Best of luck to you both :o)
Numbers 9 and 10--love 'em!!
Lori, I know you've mentioned OCD tendencies, but had no idea that you have anxiety attacks. I will never again tease you with a song stuck in my head!
Hugs to both you and Eler Beth for sharing this with us...it sounds like it's still a struggle, but much better.
{{Beth}}
Please tell Eler Beth thanks for letting you share. She's very brave. I don't know much about either condition, so I learned something.
I have what I've always called packratitis. So, I kind of understand.
Tell Eler Beth I think her hosting a tea party for the neighbor girls sounds like lots of fun.
Five For Fighting and Coldplay are on my wish list. I don't have much from the 80's though.
:) Leigh
Ooh poor both of you. I have varying degrees of anxiety. I get that the hoarding is completely out of the hands of the person it affects. That must be so hard to watch in your child. I worry about Emma cuz she is my mini me and she has some anxiety as well. Not enough that I'm worried about her now. I'm worried about when life gets tougher.
Blessings to you both.
Traci
I've had anxiety for most of my adult life and Danny has a lot of issues with anxiety.
The DBT skills I learned have helped me to cope with the anxiety - staying in the present, putting your problems, anxiiety issues, what ever is bothering you on a shelf(figurative shelf) deep breathing etc.
Danny has seen a therapist and takes meds too.
He also has some of the hoarding issues.
hugs,
Michelle
Brave of you to share something so personal. I am not very educated on OCD and treratments of such, so I will just say that I am happy she is dealing with it so well and that she is such a wise young lady with a great mommy and daddy and brother.
Many blessings-
Amanda
As an OCD-type personality (only comes out under stress, under control the rest of the time) and having had social anxiety (thank God for Paxil, and a cure), I feel for your daughter. The mind can be incredibly powerful and incredibly tough to over-ride. And then you feel bad because you aren't strong enough to do so.
One thing to remember though, is that some OCD can actually enhance one's life- the incredible need for detail and the need to order the world actually helps in certain careers. Having said that, I think you are so brave, both in your willingness to share and also in your obvious love for your daughter.
I hope that the medication works well enough that some day you can both look back and laugh.
Hugs to you both,
Helen
I don't think some people realise that very young children can get OCD too. We have it in my family. Glad to hear your daughter got help quickly.
Jenny <><
I really can't relate, as I don't have trouble getting rid of clutter and things that I have outlived. On the other hand, my 40 yr. old bachelor son is a hoarder and hangs on to everything. Therefore, lots of stuff that I get rid of, he takes and stores. OK with me if he wants my old stuff and he is very organized about storing and/or displaying stuff. BTW, #6 and #7 are two of my all time favorite songs.
Hugs, Joyce
I can relate, I seem to keep stuff too, that I don't really need.
I just like my things, and have to have things just so in my home.
I know it is a form of ocd. But it not the bad kind where people just hang on to jumk.
My dad was a neat freak, think he had ocd...
I'm so glad that you are open about it all with her, so that she is comfortable talking about it with others. That's cute that she diagnosed her cousin... = )
Joann
I think even us that are older have a hard time getting rid of some things. lol If you get a bigger house you will just fill it up too. hehehe Put it all in one of those large plastic holders with lid from Wal Mart and store it on a top shelf near the roof of the garage. lol Wonder if it would help to put up the things and then go through them again after her room is finished. I am really bad about wanting to keep things! Ugh! I might need it later. lol When going through things I find it much easier the longer I go at sorting. Soon I am tossing many things. lol Best wishes, Janie
Poor, dear Eler Beth! I'm glad y'all got it under control enough to let her feel good again. And she is blessed to have a mom who understands. My little Bug used to always pick up trash any where we were in public to throw away. As a little bitty thing I'd catch her "fronting" the shelves in the stores as I shopped and straightening. It had me concerned on some levels, amused on others. As she's gotten older she learned to leave things be for the most part. ;o) - Barbara
Poor dear Eler Beth, that would be alot to handle & get a grasp on, especially at her age. She is so wise though to know & seek help for it and I applaud her ability to be open and allow you to share this with your readers. I'm glad the medication has helped.
Lisa
Your being so open I'm sure is why Eler Beth can be. That is a wonderful gift you have given her. I think it's great that she could notice some of the same tendencies in her cousin and mention it.
I think the idea of transferring the items to other containers is great. I have alot of the same ideas for storage of things that I can't get rid of.
Sheri
I found this to be very interesting, and am trying to think exactly what the letters OCD stand for although it is obvious they describe this compulsive behavior. My nephew has some of this, things like going back to make sure the door was locked and I guess we all have some of those. So you and she have this condition. You seem to be very detail oriented which I think is wonderful in a writer, because you can be counted on to write a very good report of a happening which makes us see it very clearly. But taken to the lengths Eler Beth was doing, it would be torturous! Gerry
I'm so glad your understanding and willing to work and help her through this....I've had one meltdown in my life...I was close to losing my grandmother on my mom's side, while visiting her in the hospital she told me something (I can't exactly talk about it in comments) and it somehow undid me literally...I wish I had someone then to be what you are to Eler Beth. Instead I did a 6 weeks in intense therapy in a halfway house (alone with no family in sight)....
It's not the same as being OCD, but the fear of coming undone is understandable and something I still feat to this day...
Paul has some of those tendencies. If he likes a restaurant, he will keep going back almost daily, until he can't stand it anymore. We've gone through a wide range of restaurants in this fashion. I'm forever having to learn to add something new to the menu for dinner, because he will find something he likes and want that all the time, and just as suddenly lose interest and not want it anymore....it's almost like a child's behavior. The checking the lock on the door, coffee maker, lights etc. a dozen times before he's satisfied it's ok to leave the house.
I'm keeping Eler Beth on my prayers on the smoke, the medication continues to help. She is such a bright, entertaining young woman. (Hugs)Indigo
I have never been diagnosed with OCD but I tend to horde things as well. I am afraid that I will leave something behind when i go to my parents downstate to the point of keeping it all in a pile. I am afraid to move it out of the pile to even use it in fear I wil forget it. I am very stressful about the kids stuff as well. I have severe anxiety as well. My 10 year old daughter acts like me. She has stress issues as well. I feel bad about passing that on to her. ... hugs, Christine
What a scary thing for her to have to be dealing with, but she is doing remarkably well. She is quite mature, as well. Of course, her mom is taking great care of her.
I wish all good, happy things for her!
-Heather
Geee,...uhhhh ..that is a lot that you covered and I am so glad that things are working out well..very informative thank you Lori!
natalie
I was wondering what had been going on with that, but obviously didn't want to be pushy about it. It sounds very similar to some of the things I went through with my daughter. She is much better now, although still a total packrat. She's off at college, living in her own apartment, yet I have half my family room closet, an entire bedroom closet and the attic filled with stuff she couldn't part with. We had just been talking about how she use to save food from meals and hide it in weird places. Anyway, I'm so glad to hear Eler Beth is doing better, and really glad to hear she is open and willing to talk about it. Hugs, Martha :-)
Hello, i don't know anyone with OCD, that was very interesting, glad to hear you both have it under control. Love your iPod tunes !
Big Luv, Jaynee X
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